pizza delivery

i want a dump truck. so much could be done with a dump truck. i could load stuff, or dump stuff, or deliver giant pizzas. giant pizzas would be awesome. i sure as hell wouldn't eat it, but watching someone else eat it would be funny. funny because he'd explode. i'm surprised they don't have a reality show where they feed people as much food as they can without making them explode.

"welcome back to 'americana idle', we're still on hour 5, and no one seems to be exploding yet. uh oh, i may have spoken too soon. jeff seems to be shaking uncontrollably."

a 500 pound man sitting in a recliner built for two is stuffing his face with food. then stops. yes, he stops so hard it hurts to watch. then he begins to shake. the other contestants are just sitting in their seats watching this happen, wondering why the hell they're on an island eating mass amounts of food. jeff stops shaking and begins eating more. the other contestants, releived with the success of jeff, start eating more as well.

"not that time, ladies and gentlemen. next time folks, we are sure it will happen." the camera man follows the host into a nuclear bomb shelter. where the host goes on to say, "this is where we will be capturing the rest of the action. we don't want anyone to get hurt here, so we took the most advance measures to make that promise."

but then jeff begins to shake again. "this is it folks..." men dressed in biohazard suits run to the vault doors and close them tight. the camera pokes out of the viewing window at the action. knowing their fate, none of the other contestants move. jeff explodes.

the network would cut that show out of the line up so fast, it would go back to the future. i love that movie. it was so good. the ride at universal is worth the two hour wait. trust me. go ride it. that is if they still have it. i haven't been there since i was 4 or 5. so i have no idea what it's like now.

actually, i've decided my own cruise ship would be better than a dump truck. i could fit multiple dump trucks on my boat. why would i limit myself to one pizza-delivering dump truck? i wouldn't.

i need that boat.