microscopic porn

you know whats wrong with amoeba porn? amoebas have sex with tubes. no one wants to look at tube jerking. plus, anyone with some wierd amoeba porn fetish should die. and if they don't have the guts to commit suicide, they would never be able to find the money for a camera that was able to take clear pictures of microscopic organisms getting it on. i came to this conclusion because whoever likes amoeba porn has failed at life.

someone with this kind of fetish (we're going to suspect it is a heterosexual guy, seeing as how women have to look at tubes enough during child birth) either lives with his abusive parents, has a gay room-mate, or sits in prison.

lets say this man finally got a gal. they'd get into bed and the guy would be all like, "hey, can i connect my tube with yours?" and the woman would say, "i don't have a tube." the man would sit in stunned silence. untill the woman concluded, "women don't have tubes." then she would leave.

that guy would be crushed. not just because women don't have tubes, but because he'd soon find out his own tool isn't a tube. you cant help but feel kinda sorry for the tubeless man. poor guy.

let us say the tubeless man gets married. you can expect a very different episode of "jerry springer", let me tell you. the wife would sit in a chair in the far left of the stage. she would be pretty large, too. cause you cant be on "jerry springer" if your under 300 pounds, unless you're some kind of prostitute, porn star, or stripper.

so his fat wife would sit there and bitch at jerry saying, "my husband has been acting a little wierd lately. and he has been eyeing the amoeba down the street. i thing there is something happening between them." and jerry would speak into the microphone with, "well, do we have a suprise for you then, deborah. we have them both backstage waiting to come out!" and the woman would act all surprised.

the man and the amoeba would come out, hand in hand, and deborah would flip. well, flip a chair. okay, so she didn't flip that over either. she'd kind of tip it. with her fat. when she got up too quickly. anyway, steve and his body-gaurd buddies would have to hold her back. since, for some reason, it takes 20 guys to hold down an elephant woman.

then the man's wife would just keep screaming, "oh my god jerry oh my god i cant beleive it!" then jerry would slap the stupid lady. then she says, in proper english, "i knew it! i knew it!"

then the man would get all up in there and say, "yo, bitch, shut the hell up. this ameoba is hotter than you have been or ever will be. and i actually love her." and the amoeba would totally break it down and liquify words like, "i'm a huge amoeba."

then the wife would try to charge at the amoeba again, but fail. the audience would get all riled up and start yelling, "jerry, jerry, jerry!" jerry then stands and does nothing a little longer. the three folk on the stage calm down and sit in the assigned chairs.

jerry would then walk over to his little corner and gives his "final thought." he would say things like, "this, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when a man and an amoeba get it on behind the wife's back. it can get a little wierd." then the show would end.

the moral of this story: don't attach your tube with the opposite sex without protection.